If I could walk around every day dressed exactly like Madonna is dressed in this movie, I would be happy. Almost naked, but happy. I felt in love with that woman in 1985; a love so strong it endures to this day. Let's see how it holds up!
1. Lack of cellphones made life in the 1980s REALLY complicated.
2. Amnesia was really easy to get in the 1980s.
3. I don't believe that streetwise, homeless Madonna would trade in her only jacket in NEW YORK, while she's only wearing a bustier underneath, for high heeled boots of all things. Amateur hour.
4. Walking from Battery Park to St. Mark's Place takes much longer than 5 minutes and would not inspire ANYONE to trade in a jacket for high heeled boots. Many flaws in this premise.
5. Why is every woman in this movie carrying around their shit in round HATBOXES? I have one of those. Not practical at all.
6. Laurie Metcalf is wearing a mu-mu.
7. Men in vests standing behind thin white curtains that are blowing in the breeze, while playing saxophone, in tightly packed Manhattan apartments isn't romantic, it's fucking ANNOYING. Shut the fuck up, sax man!
8. Even poverty-striken cinema workers had elaborate fish tanks built into their squat walls in the 1980s.
9. Madonna relentlessly clicks her fingers and smells her armpits while dancing to her own songs. I aspire to this level of comfort on dancefloors.
10. Enriquo, the squat super, is a lecherous, hideous Latino stereotype. It was perfectly acceptable to be super racist in movies during the 1980s.
11. Rosanna Arquette really does pass out at the drop of a hat(box).
12. "I have heard that 4 out of 5 prostitutes are lesbians." Laurie Metcalf statistics are not accurate.
13. If someone doesn't let those doves out of that tiny cage soon, I'ma kill a bitch.
14. "Rum and Tab" was a drink in 1984.
15. The lawyer with the shitty feet from "The Night Of" is the MC of the magic club. Amazing!
16. "Is anyone here from Queens? ... Well, I'm from normal parents myself..." And now I hate the 1980s. Thanks, Magic Club, you homophobic pricks.
17. Is this movie why I thought living in New York would be cool? The answer is probably: "No, it was actually the Beastie Boys" but, either way, there's a Madonna link...
18. Gary's a mansplainer. Fuck you, Gary!
19. Madonna just walked up a vertical ladder - at gunpoint - without kicking her aggressor, who was directly beneath her and barely hanging onto the gun - in the face. Dude. This chick has zero street smarts. How did I ever fall in love with you during this period, Madonna? You a dumbass.
20. This whole thing is hella Shakespearean. Like Twelfth Night with significantly less cross-dressing.